A toothpastefordinner.com email contained this link, and to amuse myself, I have used these pictures to make a fun post for your viewing pleasure.  I bring you . . .

"If Tomford Was a Japanese Baby:
A Life in Pictures"

"Hello, my name is Tom.  Tom Ford.  I idolize Tom Selleck because of his red convertible, wicked moustache, and massive amounts of body hair.  Someday I'm going to have hair growing in strange places, too."

"My birthday is on Halloween.  You'd think this would mean I had all kinds of sweet birthday costume parties.  But that is not true.  Instead, I'd dress up like a bumblebee,
eat lots of lollipops and sweet tarts by myself, then have stomach pains for at least 2 days.  I ate so much I could never take the bumblebee costume off for hours. 
It was embarrassing."

"One time my mom made me dress up as a flower. 
That did *not* score well with the ladies.
Thanks, mom."

"I am finishing my college degree.  I am real smart.  This is what I look like when I have to go to school, or study, or write a paper.  School makes me poopy."

"In my spare time, I am a musician.  I play guitar and sing real good.  I have hundreds of CD's.  Bet you're jealous of my music skills.  If not, you should be."

"I have a girlfriend, her name is Dionna.  She is hot.  Put your clothes back on, Dionna!
The first time I went to Dionna's house, I brought my guitar and played and sang her one of her favorite songs, she fell instantly in love with me.  Don't be jealous fellas."

"One skill I do not have is cooking.  It makes me cry.  I have a whole set of pots and pans in my kitchen that I have never used.  Nor have I ever turned the stove on. 
When Dionna found that out, she made fun of me. 
So I put this pot over my head and hid in shame. 
And I cried."

"Since I don't know how to cook, I eat out.  A lot.  One of my favorite things is Pad Thai.  This is what I look like when I eat it.  Sooooo good."

"Another time when I went to Dionna's house we got to babysit her friend's puppy, Bosco.  It was delightful."

"Until we had to clean up the dog poo.  I don't like cleaning dog poo."

"I think I'll just stick to the pets that don't have real bodily functions.  Gross."

"One of my personal heroes is Napolean Dynamite.  He has sweet chugging skills.  But I only imitate him when I'm not wearing a shirt.  Chugging is pretty messy."

"The other day, Dionna and I went to look for engagement rings.  This is what I looked like when I saw the pricetags.  Getting married is expensive."

"I tried to convince her I'm only getting her a lollipop ring.  I am soooo funny!"

"But she is so happy getting to marry such a stud like me, I'll get her anything she wants.  Plus, she's hot.
Yusssssss."

"I hope you liked my story.  Bet you wish you were a Japanese baby too!"